Ryan and I just got home from our one day workup at Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine in LoneTree. It was a trip, that's for sure. We got innundated with information, so hopefully I can regurgitate a little bit of it here so I can remember.
We both left CCRM feeling a little bit like cattle. We checked in and then were ushered to a conference room with four other couples (we were younger than all of them, thank heavens). We were given a binder full of information and then a nurse went over it with us. After that, we had a consult with our nurse, and we met with Dr. Famous.
Those two people gave us most of our information. Our nurse was amazing, and I've already called her once. She was really personable and knowledgeable. Dr. Famous had gone more thoroughly over our information, and had a list of things we needed to do before our actual cycle. I need to have an updated pap smear, since its been 2.5 years. I also need to have a letter from our nutritionist saying that I understand how to eat right. I also need to re-consult with the maternal-fetal medicine specialist I met with two years ago to be sure I'm still healthy enough for a pregnancy. Dr. Famous also wants me to talk to the MFM specialist about losing weight and maybe changing some meds around.
After those two consultations, we moved onto the testing phase of things. Ryan had to go down to the lower level of the clinic for his business, and I was whisked off to have my baseline ultrasound and doppler test. My ovaries both had about 15 follicles, which is classic symptomology for poly-cystic ovarian syndrome. The doppler part of the ultrasound was a little abnormal, but the tech said that many women have decreased uterine blood flow, and it can be helped tremendously with acupuncture. I also had a hysteroscopy done with Dr. Famous. He said my uterine cavity looked pretty good except for that my lining was uneven. He said that once I was out for my egg retrieval, he would probably just do a D & C, and I'd get a two for one deal out of the bargain.
We then ate something (because I hadn't eaten all day)--luckily the "lunch lady" can order something from a gluten-free sandwich shop, so I had a sandwich, and COFFEE!
When we were done eating, we went for our bloodwork. We are doing some genetic testing right off the bat, and I had some hormonal type tests done as well. I had ten vials of blood drawn, and Ryan had two. They have to send my genetic testing to another lab. We're holding off on doing the communicable diseases testing because its only good for six months (more on that later).
After that, we were all done with the medical side of things. We met with the business office, dropped $1000 off with them, and then talked to a representative from Fertility Labs of Colorado to sign consent forms for them to treat us.
I guess to summarize, here's the deal:
1. I need to get my outside appointments scheduled to get my pap smear done (if they'll let me...I hate our local clinic. They are absolutely ricidulous), meet again with the Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist, and talk with the nutritionist. I need documentation from all of these people that we are ready to proceed.
2. We are NOT proceeding right this instant. Dr. Famous doesn't think that a six-month delay will affect our fertility in the negative. In fact, he thinks the opposite. Six months gives me time to get my health under better control. My goal is to lose 50 pounds before the end of May. It's kind of a lofty goal, but Dr. Famous says even losing ten or twenty pounds is advantageous, and losing fifty might even double our chances of having a successful pregnancy.
3. Dr. Famous is going to use a completely different course of treatment because I've been so hard to stimulate in the past. He's adding drugs to my protocol, and, unfortunately, my injections won't be given sub-cutaneously (small needles in fat) any longer. I will have to use the big needles to give myself injections intramuscularly. That's like when you get a tetanus shot, etc.
4. Unfortunately, we will also not be doing a fresh embryo transfer, and that adds about six weeks onto our treatment. We will stimulate, retrieve eggs, create embryos, and then freeze them. Obese people have better results with a frozen embryo transfer because your body has a chance to heal between all the stimulation hormones, retrieval, and in my case, that free D & C I'll be getting.
So that's where we are. Like I said, we feel kind of like cattle, but its been that way everywhere we've been. I think at CCRM they get all of the up front things done, and the doctors do lots of stuff behind the scenes and after hours. We have a regroup appointment with Dr. Farmous after my next cycle starts and I have some more blood work done on day 2 or 3, freeze the blood, and ship it to CCRM, because they require those tests be done at their lab.
They seem really willing to work with us so we don't have to go back and forth so much since its such a long drive, and actually, the frozen embryo transfer will be nice, I think. We can plan our vacation between retrieval and transfer, and that will be nice.
Overall, we are both positive moving forward. Dr. Famous said we could start our cycle ASAP if we wanted, but that if the goal was to have a healthy, successful pregnancy, that this would be the best option for us, and that's what we're going to do.
Also, I had coffee today after 3 days without, and I also had chocolate. And it was good. And now I have to phase it out of my diet because it restricts that uterine blood flow. I can live. If it means a baby in this house, I can do it.
I also had chinese food today after three months without it. We went to P. F. Chang's in Loveland. They have a lovely gluten-free menu, and it was DELISH. I will definitely be going back.
Anyway, that's it. Please pray for us as we embark on this heavy-duty weight loss journey and continue on our quest for a baby. Also, please pray that this bleeding and cramping stops from that scope. Blech.
Thank you, friends.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Consult With Dr. Famous
I had our phone consult with Dr. School.Craft from Colo.rado Center for Reproductive Medicine last Friday, after a phone mix-up on October 4th.
It went really well. From reading other patients' blogs, Ry and I had come to the conclusion that he wasn't going to be very friendly. I was okay with that, because friendly hasn't gotten us any closer to being parents than we were four years ago.
Dr. S. started the phone call by asking me to tell him our infertility story. I just told him that we'd been trying for about four years. Over the course of those four years, we'd tried timed intercourse, timed intercourse with Clomid, several intrauterine inseminations with both Clomid and Femara, and we'd had three cancelled IVF cycles with protocols of lupron, Repronex, and increasing doses of Follistim.
He said that we have options. He said if we chose to come to CCRM he would use a different protocol of medications for an IVF cycle for us, getting rid of the lupron (which is an ovarian suppressant--it supposedly keeps me from creating too many follicles), and adding some different stimulating medications that I haven't used yet. He said that in-vitro maturation is also an option for us since I tend to have lots of resting follicles, but that IVF is probably a better option since there tend to be more successes with it.
Dr. S. also said that losing weight would be a good idea, too. Losing weight for me means that the drugs have to go through fewer pounds to get to my ovaries, which makes sense. He also said that losing weight would be helpful for when it came to doing a transfer, too, because implantation rates go up when you weight less.
So...right now we're waiting for chicky time to show up so we can schedule our workup in Denver. We have to go down for one day the second week of my next cycle for testing and to actually meet Dr. S. He will do a 3-d ultrasound to check uterine blood flow and also do an outpatient hysteroscopy to check my uterine cavity for any abnormalities. Ryan has to do his business, and we have to do a ton of bloodwork to test hormone levels and do some chromosomal testing.
Or, maybe there will be a miracle and we'll be pregnant this month and won't have to deal with any of this anymore.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
It went really well. From reading other patients' blogs, Ry and I had come to the conclusion that he wasn't going to be very friendly. I was okay with that, because friendly hasn't gotten us any closer to being parents than we were four years ago.
Dr. S. started the phone call by asking me to tell him our infertility story. I just told him that we'd been trying for about four years. Over the course of those four years, we'd tried timed intercourse, timed intercourse with Clomid, several intrauterine inseminations with both Clomid and Femara, and we'd had three cancelled IVF cycles with protocols of lupron, Repronex, and increasing doses of Follistim.
He said that we have options. He said if we chose to come to CCRM he would use a different protocol of medications for an IVF cycle for us, getting rid of the lupron (which is an ovarian suppressant--it supposedly keeps me from creating too many follicles), and adding some different stimulating medications that I haven't used yet. He said that in-vitro maturation is also an option for us since I tend to have lots of resting follicles, but that IVF is probably a better option since there tend to be more successes with it.
Dr. S. also said that losing weight would be a good idea, too. Losing weight for me means that the drugs have to go through fewer pounds to get to my ovaries, which makes sense. He also said that losing weight would be helpful for when it came to doing a transfer, too, because implantation rates go up when you weight less.
So...right now we're waiting for chicky time to show up so we can schedule our workup in Denver. We have to go down for one day the second week of my next cycle for testing and to actually meet Dr. S. He will do a 3-d ultrasound to check uterine blood flow and also do an outpatient hysteroscopy to check my uterine cavity for any abnormalities. Ryan has to do his business, and we have to do a ton of bloodwork to test hormone levels and do some chromosomal testing.
Or, maybe there will be a miracle and we'll be pregnant this month and won't have to deal with any of this anymore.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
The Limbo Funk
It's 10:15 pm, and I should be in bed. I'm up, though, tired, but up. I came home from my dental appointment this afternoon and slept for an hour before supper so I could actually feel my mouth and not choke to death.
I'm in kind of a baby funk. I don't want to hear any more about anyone's pregnancy or children. Our own quest for those things seems overwhelmingly futile.
I've been talking with an adoption coordinator from Bethany Christian Services. She's been very supportive, but she said that it would probably be a wait of at least two years for a baby. Wyoming Children's Society, whom we've also researched, says that their average wait time is 12 to 24 months. *sigh*. I can't imagine being 34 and just starting my parenting journey.
Ryan and I also have a phone consult on October 4 with Dr. William Schoolcraft from the Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine in Denver. He is a world-renowned fertility specialist. He has credentials in two areas that we are interested in. He specializes in treating women who are poor responders to ovary-stimulating medications. That would totally be me. He also specializes in a relatively new treatment option called in-vitro maturation. The process before embryo transfer is the difference between in-vitro fertilization and in-vitro maturation. In-vitro maturation utilizes no injectable medications and is much more inexpensive than in-vitro. The patient takes oral medications, and immature eggs are retrieved from her ovaries, and mature outside her body in a petri dish, and are then fertilized and the resulting embryos are transferred.
We don't know if this is going to be an option for us or not, and we won't know until we consult with Dr. Schoolcraft. I hope he can give us more of a concrete path to follow. If he says he can't help us, that will be a definitive answer, and we are done pursuing the medical route. We won't prevent pregnancy, by any means. But it is what it is.
My friend Sara adopted from a foster care situation, and gave me the name and number of our local caseworker. I contacted her and hope to meet with her before she goes on maternity leave. I missed her return phone call tonight because I was sitting in the dentist's chair.
Anyway, that's where we are. We're in limbo. We don't know which way we're going, and tonight, waiting to be completely exhausted, I don't seem to know which way is up. I'm in a funk about the whole thing, and I wonder if I can even be a good mom sometimes.
Okay. I'm done now.
I'm in kind of a baby funk. I don't want to hear any more about anyone's pregnancy or children. Our own quest for those things seems overwhelmingly futile.
I've been talking with an adoption coordinator from Bethany Christian Services. She's been very supportive, but she said that it would probably be a wait of at least two years for a baby. Wyoming Children's Society, whom we've also researched, says that their average wait time is 12 to 24 months. *sigh*. I can't imagine being 34 and just starting my parenting journey.
Ryan and I also have a phone consult on October 4 with Dr. William Schoolcraft from the Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine in Denver. He is a world-renowned fertility specialist. He has credentials in two areas that we are interested in. He specializes in treating women who are poor responders to ovary-stimulating medications. That would totally be me. He also specializes in a relatively new treatment option called in-vitro maturation. The process before embryo transfer is the difference between in-vitro fertilization and in-vitro maturation. In-vitro maturation utilizes no injectable medications and is much more inexpensive than in-vitro. The patient takes oral medications, and immature eggs are retrieved from her ovaries, and mature outside her body in a petri dish, and are then fertilized and the resulting embryos are transferred.
We don't know if this is going to be an option for us or not, and we won't know until we consult with Dr. Schoolcraft. I hope he can give us more of a concrete path to follow. If he says he can't help us, that will be a definitive answer, and we are done pursuing the medical route. We won't prevent pregnancy, by any means. But it is what it is.
My friend Sara adopted from a foster care situation, and gave me the name and number of our local caseworker. I contacted her and hope to meet with her before she goes on maternity leave. I missed her return phone call tonight because I was sitting in the dentist's chair.
Anyway, that's where we are. We're in limbo. We don't know which way we're going, and tonight, waiting to be completely exhausted, I don't seem to know which way is up. I'm in a funk about the whole thing, and I wonder if I can even be a good mom sometimes.
Okay. I'm done now.
Friday, July 6, 2012
New Directions
I'm sitting on the couch at my mom's house in Minnesota, after 7 days of crappy, horrid heat, listening to the thunder crack and the rain drip off the roof into the puddle outside the back door. And I love it.
We're actually up early today because the physical therapist should be here pretty soon for Mom's session today. I hope the therapist busts mom's butt. We're going into town later to run some errands. I need to go to the library to print off my proof of insurance to take to the courthouse. I got pulled over on Saturday coming home from my friends' lake house because I didn't slow down for a stopped emergency vehicle. Several things irk me about this. First, I haven't lived in Minnesota for like 7 years. Second, I was going 57 in a 55 MPH zone. Third, I was on a two-lane highway, and the stopped emergency vehicles were on the OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE ROAD. And last, the police officer was from town. And I was several miles from town when I got pulled over. And he was an asshat. But he thought he was chock full of awesome because "It would have cost you $185 if I would have ticketed you for not slowing down," and he just ticketed me for not having proof of insurance, and that citation will be waived once I print it out and take it down to the stupid courthouse.
I'm babbling. And this blog is about our journey to parenthood.
I think chicky time is on its way. And I know that's too much information, but since this blog is about reproduction, deal with it. I've had a headache for days, and I finished up my chicky-time inducing medication a few days ago. Its about that time.
And it really upset me for some reason when I realized it was on its way. It shouldn't, because it's no secret that our last round of fertility treatments didn't work. It just makes it seem so final. Like God is slamming a door shut.
We're hoping that if He's shutting a door, he's going to open some other...opening for us to continue down some path to become parents.
After our last failed cycle last month, Ryan told me I could start researching some adoption agencies. Except, as I've been reading, its not that simple. There are LOTS of ways to go about adopting a child. You can go through the foster care system, you can simply work with an agency, you can do an independent adoption where you find the birthparent on your own and hire a lawyer to draw up the terms of the adoption contract, and so on and so forth.
So I've called some agencies, and only one has been really willing to get on the ball with us so far. Wyoming Children's Society said they'd send us some information, and they even sent someone to the post office especially for us, since I called so late on a Friday. Awesome. Bethany Christian Services passed me off to another branch of the agency that handles adoptions in our area. I haven't called that branch yet, as it requires another 4 hour trip. The first branch I called is actually on my way home from Minnesota, and I really wanted to stop there just for convenience's sake. And the third agency I've called is Lutheran Social Services of Minnesota. One of my dear friends is a social worker for LSS, and got me the contact information for the adoption coordinator in Moorhead. She's been on vacation and hasn't returned my call. I guess I can't fault her for that.
When I get back to Wyoming I'm going to go talk to the department of family services to get some information on foster care, and doing adoption through that route.
Also, one of the ladies I play bunco with once a month is the school nurse for the high school. The number of teen pregnancies has been dwindling, but maybe some unfortunate young lady will have gotten pregnant recently and isn't ready to parent.
We are. And after at least ten various failed fertility treatments we're ready to move on. We've had lots of sex like normal people. We've done just meds and timed intercourse (TMI, I know). We've done meds with IUI at least six times. We've tried three rounds of IVF and haven't gotten past the stimulation phase. Apparently God is saying "no" to parenthood that way, at least for right now. I'm trying to wrap my head around that. The chicky time today is bugging me. My heart is in adoption, and always has been. But I can't deny that the thought of never having a baby that looks and acts like my darling husband makes me really sad, today at least.
So...for now, we're adopting. We're just starting the process, and it may take awhile. So, again, I ask you pray for us as we continue down this new path to building our family. Please pray that God makes the path He wants us to take clear as possible.
We're actually up early today because the physical therapist should be here pretty soon for Mom's session today. I hope the therapist busts mom's butt. We're going into town later to run some errands. I need to go to the library to print off my proof of insurance to take to the courthouse. I got pulled over on Saturday coming home from my friends' lake house because I didn't slow down for a stopped emergency vehicle. Several things irk me about this. First, I haven't lived in Minnesota for like 7 years. Second, I was going 57 in a 55 MPH zone. Third, I was on a two-lane highway, and the stopped emergency vehicles were on the OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE ROAD. And last, the police officer was from town. And I was several miles from town when I got pulled over. And he was an asshat. But he thought he was chock full of awesome because "It would have cost you $185 if I would have ticketed you for not slowing down," and he just ticketed me for not having proof of insurance, and that citation will be waived once I print it out and take it down to the stupid courthouse.
I'm babbling. And this blog is about our journey to parenthood.
I think chicky time is on its way. And I know that's too much information, but since this blog is about reproduction, deal with it. I've had a headache for days, and I finished up my chicky-time inducing medication a few days ago. Its about that time.
And it really upset me for some reason when I realized it was on its way. It shouldn't, because it's no secret that our last round of fertility treatments didn't work. It just makes it seem so final. Like God is slamming a door shut.
We're hoping that if He's shutting a door, he's going to open some other...opening for us to continue down some path to become parents.
After our last failed cycle last month, Ryan told me I could start researching some adoption agencies. Except, as I've been reading, its not that simple. There are LOTS of ways to go about adopting a child. You can go through the foster care system, you can simply work with an agency, you can do an independent adoption where you find the birthparent on your own and hire a lawyer to draw up the terms of the adoption contract, and so on and so forth.
So I've called some agencies, and only one has been really willing to get on the ball with us so far. Wyoming Children's Society said they'd send us some information, and they even sent someone to the post office especially for us, since I called so late on a Friday. Awesome. Bethany Christian Services passed me off to another branch of the agency that handles adoptions in our area. I haven't called that branch yet, as it requires another 4 hour trip. The first branch I called is actually on my way home from Minnesota, and I really wanted to stop there just for convenience's sake. And the third agency I've called is Lutheran Social Services of Minnesota. One of my dear friends is a social worker for LSS, and got me the contact information for the adoption coordinator in Moorhead. She's been on vacation and hasn't returned my call. I guess I can't fault her for that.
When I get back to Wyoming I'm going to go talk to the department of family services to get some information on foster care, and doing adoption through that route.
Also, one of the ladies I play bunco with once a month is the school nurse for the high school. The number of teen pregnancies has been dwindling, but maybe some unfortunate young lady will have gotten pregnant recently and isn't ready to parent.
We are. And after at least ten various failed fertility treatments we're ready to move on. We've had lots of sex like normal people. We've done just meds and timed intercourse (TMI, I know). We've done meds with IUI at least six times. We've tried three rounds of IVF and haven't gotten past the stimulation phase. Apparently God is saying "no" to parenthood that way, at least for right now. I'm trying to wrap my head around that. The chicky time today is bugging me. My heart is in adoption, and always has been. But I can't deny that the thought of never having a baby that looks and acts like my darling husband makes me really sad, today at least.
So...for now, we're adopting. We're just starting the process, and it may take awhile. So, again, I ask you pray for us as we continue down this new path to building our family. Please pray that God makes the path He wants us to take clear as possible.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
The Drawer
I have a drawer in my bathroom.
Its the one on the left, all the way on the bottom.
I don't open that drawer very often. Sometimes I might need some nail polish remover or rubbing alcohol in there.
But that drawer...its my "forget and move drawer." And today I'm going to add some more to it.
That drawer is filled with needles and alcohol swabs from failed in-vitro cycles. And today, I'm going to add some more needles and alcohol swabs to the drawer.
Because IVF cycle three was a bust, too. We made more progress than we have the other two cycles, so it wasn't a complete failure. We learned more about how I respond to medications, and how much medication I need.
After my surgery on Memorial Day weekend, I started Lupron, which suppresses my ovaries. I went to Salt Lake on June 7th for my suppression ultrasound, which went well, and then the next Monday I started Follistim and Repronex to start stimulating my ovaries. I had blood work that Thursday to test my estrogen level, which came back at 120. On day 4 of stimulation, the estrogen level should be between 100-200, so it was a little lower than we'd like, but still within range.
Dr. Peterson (you can read about him here: Dr. C. M. Peterson) wanted us to have an ultrasound so that he could see how my follicles were developing on Saturday, which was a couple of days earlier than we had expected, as I had an ultrasound appointment on Monday. Dr. Peterson wasn't on call, so Dr. Hammoud did our ultrasound and found several follicles developing appropriately. He even told us that our follicle growth looked GOOD, and we were exactly where we needed to be. I had an estrogen level drawn on Saturday, too, and we went out to lunch while we waited for those results to come back. Dr. Hammoud had told us that he wanted my estrogen level to be around 500, and just as we were walking out of the restaurant, our nurse Heidi sent us a message saying it was 488. We were so excited.
Monday morning I drove down to Salt Lake again, and Dr. Peterson did my ultrasound. He said my follicles were still growing perfectly, and that we were going to stimulate a couple more days, until Wednesday, and then trigger so we could retrieve and fertilize on Friday, and transfer the following Wednesday. On my way out of the office, I had my estrogen level checked again, and went on my merry way. I was on top of one of the bigger hills on my way home when Dr. Peterson himself called to tell me that my estrogen level had fallen to 425. He said that we could try to increase the amount of Repronex and retest my estrogen level the next day, but that it would have to triple to make for viable eggs. He said there was maybe a 25% chance that we would be able to get to the retrieval stage, but even then, we would have a hard time actually getting pregnant with the eggs that we would probably retrieve. He left it up to Ryan and I what we wanted to do. We decided to cancel the cycle.
A couple of days past that decision, I don't know that I would have done that. I think we should have given my body EVERY chance we could to do what it was supposed do.
Anyway, needless to say, I was very upset. I cried the entire way home. And then when I was at home, I cried and cried until I fell asleep and Ryan finally came home, and by then I was pretty cried out. We were able to talk about where we wanted to go from here. We talked about continuing to try the IVF, and also about adopting. Ry told me he was willing to start doing some research about adoption agencies and processes, so I'll be doing that this week.
But...since we have all this money invested, and our insurance covered 80% of the cost of our meds this time (and now that I've met the deductible for prescriptions for the year, everything is free...and its only June...lol), and we trust Dr. Peterson, we're thinking we're going to try IVF one more time, in the hopes that we get to the retrieval stage. That's our goal, not even pregnancy at this point, but egg retrieval.
As I posted on Facebook, Dr. Peterson called me last night at 10:30 to tell us why he thinks we haven't been successful (my diabetes), and that he and the rest of the providers at the Utah Center for Reproductive Medicine are meeting on our case tomorrow, and that he will be typing up our options and putting them in the mail for us by the end of June. He said he's as eager to get after this as we are.
So we're going to try one more time, at least. We have to wait a while. I'm on norethindrone to calm my ovaries and induce my cycle (it's working already. I don't feel nearly as "full" as I did just yesterday). After I have my cycle, I have to wait another entire cycle after that to start another IVF cycle. That puts us into probably August or September again, after school has started. Dr. Peterson says that he's comfortable with me doing most of my ultrasounds and blood work here in town so I won't have to drive back and forth and miss so much work. He gets it.
While we do that, we'll probably gather some more information on adopting and adoption agencies, and maybe apply for a homestudy. I don't think I can take another disappointment. I'm scared. And hurt. And disappointed. And I don't want to have a whole drawer I can't close because it's so full of needles.
I've been talking to God more this cycle than any other, and there are some things that have jumped out to me in scripture that have comforted me and helped me be less bitter and afraid.
One scripture is from Hebrews 13:5. It says, "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.'"
I found this on Facebook today, and it was something I needed desperately to hear. I live my life based on "what ifs" and being terrified of what's around the next corner. I don't want to do that any more. And, as always, we ask that you continue to pray for guidance and directions for our physicians and for ourselves as we move along on our journey to become a bigger family.
Its the one on the left, all the way on the bottom.
I don't open that drawer very often. Sometimes I might need some nail polish remover or rubbing alcohol in there.
But that drawer...its my "forget and move drawer." And today I'm going to add some more to it.
That drawer is filled with needles and alcohol swabs from failed in-vitro cycles. And today, I'm going to add some more needles and alcohol swabs to the drawer.
Because IVF cycle three was a bust, too. We made more progress than we have the other two cycles, so it wasn't a complete failure. We learned more about how I respond to medications, and how much medication I need.
After my surgery on Memorial Day weekend, I started Lupron, which suppresses my ovaries. I went to Salt Lake on June 7th for my suppression ultrasound, which went well, and then the next Monday I started Follistim and Repronex to start stimulating my ovaries. I had blood work that Thursday to test my estrogen level, which came back at 120. On day 4 of stimulation, the estrogen level should be between 100-200, so it was a little lower than we'd like, but still within range.
Dr. Peterson (you can read about him here: Dr. C. M. Peterson) wanted us to have an ultrasound so that he could see how my follicles were developing on Saturday, which was a couple of days earlier than we had expected, as I had an ultrasound appointment on Monday. Dr. Peterson wasn't on call, so Dr. Hammoud did our ultrasound and found several follicles developing appropriately. He even told us that our follicle growth looked GOOD, and we were exactly where we needed to be. I had an estrogen level drawn on Saturday, too, and we went out to lunch while we waited for those results to come back. Dr. Hammoud had told us that he wanted my estrogen level to be around 500, and just as we were walking out of the restaurant, our nurse Heidi sent us a message saying it was 488. We were so excited.
Monday morning I drove down to Salt Lake again, and Dr. Peterson did my ultrasound. He said my follicles were still growing perfectly, and that we were going to stimulate a couple more days, until Wednesday, and then trigger so we could retrieve and fertilize on Friday, and transfer the following Wednesday. On my way out of the office, I had my estrogen level checked again, and went on my merry way. I was on top of one of the bigger hills on my way home when Dr. Peterson himself called to tell me that my estrogen level had fallen to 425. He said that we could try to increase the amount of Repronex and retest my estrogen level the next day, but that it would have to triple to make for viable eggs. He said there was maybe a 25% chance that we would be able to get to the retrieval stage, but even then, we would have a hard time actually getting pregnant with the eggs that we would probably retrieve. He left it up to Ryan and I what we wanted to do. We decided to cancel the cycle.
A couple of days past that decision, I don't know that I would have done that. I think we should have given my body EVERY chance we could to do what it was supposed do.
Anyway, needless to say, I was very upset. I cried the entire way home. And then when I was at home, I cried and cried until I fell asleep and Ryan finally came home, and by then I was pretty cried out. We were able to talk about where we wanted to go from here. We talked about continuing to try the IVF, and also about adopting. Ry told me he was willing to start doing some research about adoption agencies and processes, so I'll be doing that this week.
But...since we have all this money invested, and our insurance covered 80% of the cost of our meds this time (and now that I've met the deductible for prescriptions for the year, everything is free...and its only June...lol), and we trust Dr. Peterson, we're thinking we're going to try IVF one more time, in the hopes that we get to the retrieval stage. That's our goal, not even pregnancy at this point, but egg retrieval.
As I posted on Facebook, Dr. Peterson called me last night at 10:30 to tell us why he thinks we haven't been successful (my diabetes), and that he and the rest of the providers at the Utah Center for Reproductive Medicine are meeting on our case tomorrow, and that he will be typing up our options and putting them in the mail for us by the end of June. He said he's as eager to get after this as we are.
So we're going to try one more time, at least. We have to wait a while. I'm on norethindrone to calm my ovaries and induce my cycle (it's working already. I don't feel nearly as "full" as I did just yesterday). After I have my cycle, I have to wait another entire cycle after that to start another IVF cycle. That puts us into probably August or September again, after school has started. Dr. Peterson says that he's comfortable with me doing most of my ultrasounds and blood work here in town so I won't have to drive back and forth and miss so much work. He gets it.
While we do that, we'll probably gather some more information on adopting and adoption agencies, and maybe apply for a homestudy. I don't think I can take another disappointment. I'm scared. And hurt. And disappointed. And I don't want to have a whole drawer I can't close because it's so full of needles.
I've been talking to God more this cycle than any other, and there are some things that have jumped out to me in scripture that have comforted me and helped me be less bitter and afraid.
One scripture is from Hebrews 13:5. It says, "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.'"
I found this on Facebook today, and it was something I needed desperately to hear. I live my life based on "what ifs" and being terrified of what's around the next corner. I don't want to do that any more. And, as always, we ask that you continue to pray for guidance and directions for our physicians and for ourselves as we move along on our journey to become a bigger family.
Monday, May 28, 2012
A Busy Week
After our weekend of FREEZING while camping at Rockport State Park near Park City, Utah, we went to our appointment in Salt Lake City on Monday for my ultrasound to check up on that cyst. I totally forgot that another doctor was doing my ultrasound this time, and yet another doctor was in charge of my cycle. Unfortunately, the doctor doing my ultrasound wasn't my favorite.
He found that my left cyst was still there, unchanged, and I also had a cyst on my right ovary. Wonderful. After waiting around for them to figure out which doctor was doing my cycle this time, and waiting for them to figure out what we were doing, and not really giving me any answers. Ryan had to do his business on Monday, too, which probably wasn't easy since he left me in the waiting room crying, sitting next to a family who already had children (one of which was with them--the fertility practice SPECIFICALLY asks that patients not bring children because of the nature of their business) who really wanted to talk to me.
We left with an appointment to come back on Saturday for another ultrasound to see if the cysts were gone.
I drove down myself on Saturday because Ryan had to work. Some doctor I've never heard of before did my ultrasound. My right cyst had collapsed and was almost gone, but the left cyst was again, unchanged. I sat in the waiting room for an hour while they called both the director of the center (who is my primary doctor for this cycle), and the doctor I usually see to figure out the next steps. The nurse called me back to tell me that the director (Dr. Peterson), who is doing my cycle this time, was going to call and talk to me. He suggested that I come back yesterday to have the cyst aspirated since it wasn't doing anything, and it hadn't done anything for two months.
So, we did. Ryan and I got up early and drove back to Salt Lake for the procedure. They called us back quickly. I got in a gown and soon Heidi, our wonderful nurse, was in to start my IV. That didn't go as smoothly as she'd hoped. An hour later, about 7 attempts later, heat packs, and ultimately Dr. Peterson (who is a Minnesota native! Woot!) had the magic touch and got my IV started. My arm had been in the tourniquet for so long that when it was released, I just about passed out. I have never experienced anything like that before in my life. I got dizzy, light-headed, and the sounds in the room just kind of....dimmed. I leaned forward for a few minutes and breathed, and pretty soon I was feeling better. I was so dehydrated they let half a liter of LR run in before we started.
Versed? It's a miracle drug. I watched Heidi push it, but it took a few minutes to feel woozy. I fell asleep, but I remember the moaning. I don't think him sticking the needle through the vaginal wall hurt, but when he actually aspirated the cysts, that was when the moaning ensued.
Waking up was pretty easy, which was LOVELY. The procedure only took about fifteen minutes, which is what our egg retrieval will take. I was a little sore after the procedure, and after about 20 minutes, I had some juice and graham crackers, and then I could get dressed and go.
I was pretty sore on the way home. I took some Tylenol before bed last night, and woke up feeling pretty good today.
I took my first injection last night for this round of IVF. I start off with Lupron, which is supposed to suppress my ovaries. I take that until June 11, then I decrease the dose, and start the stimulating medications. We're not quite sure yet what the protocol will be. Dr. Peterson and Dr. Johnstone are going collaborate a little bit and figure out exactly what the plan is.
I go back for another ultrasound on the 7th of June, and that's probably when we'll figure out what's going on.
Please pray for a positive outcome this time. Positive outcome to me means getting to the egg retrieval stage. :)
He found that my left cyst was still there, unchanged, and I also had a cyst on my right ovary. Wonderful. After waiting around for them to figure out which doctor was doing my cycle this time, and waiting for them to figure out what we were doing, and not really giving me any answers. Ryan had to do his business on Monday, too, which probably wasn't easy since he left me in the waiting room crying, sitting next to a family who already had children (one of which was with them--the fertility practice SPECIFICALLY asks that patients not bring children because of the nature of their business) who really wanted to talk to me.
We left with an appointment to come back on Saturday for another ultrasound to see if the cysts were gone.
I drove down myself on Saturday because Ryan had to work. Some doctor I've never heard of before did my ultrasound. My right cyst had collapsed and was almost gone, but the left cyst was again, unchanged. I sat in the waiting room for an hour while they called both the director of the center (who is my primary doctor for this cycle), and the doctor I usually see to figure out the next steps. The nurse called me back to tell me that the director (Dr. Peterson), who is doing my cycle this time, was going to call and talk to me. He suggested that I come back yesterday to have the cyst aspirated since it wasn't doing anything, and it hadn't done anything for two months.
So, we did. Ryan and I got up early and drove back to Salt Lake for the procedure. They called us back quickly. I got in a gown and soon Heidi, our wonderful nurse, was in to start my IV. That didn't go as smoothly as she'd hoped. An hour later, about 7 attempts later, heat packs, and ultimately Dr. Peterson (who is a Minnesota native! Woot!) had the magic touch and got my IV started. My arm had been in the tourniquet for so long that when it was released, I just about passed out. I have never experienced anything like that before in my life. I got dizzy, light-headed, and the sounds in the room just kind of....dimmed. I leaned forward for a few minutes and breathed, and pretty soon I was feeling better. I was so dehydrated they let half a liter of LR run in before we started.
Versed? It's a miracle drug. I watched Heidi push it, but it took a few minutes to feel woozy. I fell asleep, but I remember the moaning. I don't think him sticking the needle through the vaginal wall hurt, but when he actually aspirated the cysts, that was when the moaning ensued.
Waking up was pretty easy, which was LOVELY. The procedure only took about fifteen minutes, which is what our egg retrieval will take. I was a little sore after the procedure, and after about 20 minutes, I had some juice and graham crackers, and then I could get dressed and go.
I was pretty sore on the way home. I took some Tylenol before bed last night, and woke up feeling pretty good today.
I took my first injection last night for this round of IVF. I start off with Lupron, which is supposed to suppress my ovaries. I take that until June 11, then I decrease the dose, and start the stimulating medications. We're not quite sure yet what the protocol will be. Dr. Peterson and Dr. Johnstone are going collaborate a little bit and figure out exactly what the plan is.
I go back for another ultrasound on the 7th of June, and that's probably when we'll figure out what's going on.
Please pray for a positive outcome this time. Positive outcome to me means getting to the egg retrieval stage. :)
Monday, May 14, 2012
Third Time's the Charm, Darn It!
Presuming my ultrasound on Monday goes well, I will begin taking medications for our third round of IVF.
I'm trying to be positive! We're hoping that the large cyst on my left ovary has disappeared, first off, and second, that my bloodwork is good. The last time I had my thyroid checked it was low, and my medication for that was increased. If that is good, I don't see a reason why it shouldn't be all systems go.
Before our appointment on Monday, we're going camping at one of Utah's state parks near Salt Lake. We're going to enjoy the great outdoors and relax for a few days before we begin this journey again. I can't begin to tell you the amount of money we've spent on this trip so far...lol :) At least it should be fun to reconnect and enjoy nature.
Please pray for us as we continue this journey to begin our family. I've prayed and prayed asking God's guidance. Sometimes I hear a definitive "yes...continue," and sometimes I hear a "no." I don't know if it's God's voice or my own selfish desires. So we're going to continue until we know it's "NO!" for sure. I don't know if that's the right thing to do or not.
This time is probably going to be pretty rough on me physically, since we're going to basically double the medication that is used to stimulate my ovaries. We think that, in order to be properly medicated, and get the results we want (egg retrieval), I'll probably need an ultrasound every day for at least a week while we're "stimming" so that my "ovaries don't explode" (I'm quoting the nurse...lol).
Anyway, I suppose...I should head to bed. I've got my second sinus infection in a month and I took a nice long nap this afternoon, so I'm not really that tired, but my kiddos and I have a short, in-town field trip tomorrow, and I want to be fresh for my babies. It's hard to believe we have only a little over three weeks left of school. I guess for my sanity that's good, but they've really grown into a family. I'm going to miss my honies...
I'm trying to be positive! We're hoping that the large cyst on my left ovary has disappeared, first off, and second, that my bloodwork is good. The last time I had my thyroid checked it was low, and my medication for that was increased. If that is good, I don't see a reason why it shouldn't be all systems go.
Before our appointment on Monday, we're going camping at one of Utah's state parks near Salt Lake. We're going to enjoy the great outdoors and relax for a few days before we begin this journey again. I can't begin to tell you the amount of money we've spent on this trip so far...lol :) At least it should be fun to reconnect and enjoy nature.
Please pray for us as we continue this journey to begin our family. I've prayed and prayed asking God's guidance. Sometimes I hear a definitive "yes...continue," and sometimes I hear a "no." I don't know if it's God's voice or my own selfish desires. So we're going to continue until we know it's "NO!" for sure. I don't know if that's the right thing to do or not.
This time is probably going to be pretty rough on me physically, since we're going to basically double the medication that is used to stimulate my ovaries. We think that, in order to be properly medicated, and get the results we want (egg retrieval), I'll probably need an ultrasound every day for at least a week while we're "stimming" so that my "ovaries don't explode" (I'm quoting the nurse...lol).
Anyway, I suppose...I should head to bed. I've got my second sinus infection in a month and I took a nice long nap this afternoon, so I'm not really that tired, but my kiddos and I have a short, in-town field trip tomorrow, and I want to be fresh for my babies. It's hard to believe we have only a little over three weeks left of school. I guess for my sanity that's good, but they've really grown into a family. I'm going to miss my honies...
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