And I mean that in two ways.
First, Ryan and I are leaving for Minnesota tonight when he gets home. Ry hasn't been home for three years, so I'm really excited for him to set foot on our native land.
The second is our infertility journey. I'm kind of changing the direction of this blog. I want to focus more on our quest to become parents. I haven't been very forthcoming on what we're doing in that area, and I guess I just want to share with my readers our thought processes as we go along.
We've been attempting to have a baby for approximately a year now. I started my first round of Clomid when I returned from Minnesota last year, and that was the first part of August, 2009. We attempted that first month with just the drugs and timed intercourse.
That month = fail.
During the consequent month of treatment, my doctor noticed on ultrasound that my uterine lining was honeycombed instead of a normal, smooth endometrium. I had a D and C at the end of September. The biopsy came back benign, which was very welcome news.
Unfortunately, my doctor left for his native Egypt right after my surgery, and was detained until the end of November. I didn't have my post-operative appointment until then, and by the time we started the next round of Clomid, I was ready to leave for Minnesota. So December was a bust.
January, we took it to a new level. We had our first assisted reproductive procedure, an intrauterine insemination (IUI). Ryan had done a semen analysis in September, and it showed that his sperm counts were a little below average, as were his motility and such. Our doctor told us that we would probably never be able to conceive naturally by ourselves due to my anovulation and his sperm issues. So...the IUIs.
Since January, we've had four IUIs. This last one, at the beginning of the month, was done using a different drug to stimulate ovulation. Where we'd been using Clomid, this time we used Femara, which is supposed to be easier on your body than the Clomid is. I produced at least one good follicle this time, and we had our IUI done on July 7th. I have gotten two negative pregnancy tests, so I'm assuming that we're not pregnant this month, but chicky time has not shown up yet. I think she's on her way. Blah.
Do you want to know how an IUI entails? It sucks. About an hour before my appointment, my poor husband has to go into a room and donate his "sample" into a cup. The lab at the doctor's office spins his semen to get rid of the more unhealthy sperm. When its my turn, the doctor inserts a very large speculum and cleans my cervix using those ginormous q-tips. Then a catheter of sorts is inserted into my uterus. The doctor uses a syringe to push Ryan's washed sperm into my uterus, and then he injects saline into the catheter to get as many sperm in there as possible. After all that funness is done, I am tilted back with my head down for fifteen excruciating minutes. The speculum and catheter are left in for that time, and although my feet are removed from the stirrups, I experience absolutely atrocious cramping during those fifteen minutes, sometimes getting nauseated. When the doctor comes in to remove the equipment, everything isn't as "slick" as it used to be, so its usually a little painful, and I experience some bleeding for the next few days.
I usually haven't ovulated at the time of the IUI, so I also have to have three shots to help me do that.
I guess what I'm saying is that its not fun. I hate it. The hormones make me even crazier. And then there's the disappointment every month when chicky time shows up. And it shows up every time.
Ryan and I have made a decision, however. Our doctor has until July 1st of next year to get us pregnant. Not even this doctor. If I'm not pregnant this time, we're going to do a few procedures to make sure my Fallopian tubes are clear, and do a few more IUI's here. If those don't produce a baby for us, we might do a cycle or two of IVF. If nothing then, we pursue adoption.
I have to say, however, that I wouldn't want to do this without Ryan. One of the women whose infertility blogs I read regularly says that she's going to be a mother with or without her husband. I couldn't even consider that. Our marriage is so much more important than being parents. Don't get me wrong...I would love to be a mom. But I don't want to be a mom without my husband being a dad to our kids.
