Second Ultrasound--Success! Third Ultrasound--Not So Much

I'll just say this:  We're done.  There is no egg retrieval, no baby this time around.  If that's what you wanted to know about, and that's it, you can move along.

The second ultrasound I had was to check to see if follicles were growing and my body was responding.  We were all good!

My last ultrasound wasn't anything like the first.  Actually, I take that back.  It was EXACTLY like the first.  And that was the problem.  I only had about 5 follicles that were above 10 mm, and they hadn't grown as well as we'd hoped.  In fact, they hadn't grown at all.  My body wasn't responding to the medication.  My doctor tested my estrogen level to see if it was in transition, but it was still REALLY low.

Because of all of that, my doctor said we could continue with the medication, but that it would probably be pointless, and expensive, to continue.  The estrogen-level check confirmed that.

Needless to say I was really upset.  I was told that there was an open consult room I could use to get myself together.  I felt like I was inconveniencing them.  I feel like they don't like that I don't know what's going on.  Like I was stupid because I didn't know that I would have THREE different doctors.  I feel like they think I'm stupid because I called bawling because them and my insurance company couldn't get their poop in a group to get preauthorization for our meds...which would be denied, making me eligible for some significant discounts for said medications.  We could have gotten a $500 discount on the "liquid gold" medication.  $500 might not be that big of a deal to some people, but its a huge deal to us.  Its an even huger deal considering we have to do this AGAIN.

I don't know how long I can continue this.  The past week since I went off my stimming meds has been pure hell on earth.  Bleeding, headaches, tummy issues. I know that some women do this multiple times.  I just don't know that our finances and my body can handle it.  When I'm doing all of the stimulation meds, I'm doing 8 shots a day...it sucks.  Even now, a week later, I can barely find a spot to give my insulin that doesn't hurt me...

So that's where we are.  I'm taking another medication to help calm my ovaries down and induce chicky time.  After that, I get to start this all over again.

I just want a baby...  I'm angry with God and just generally discouraged.  I know I said it would all be okay, and it will be.  I think I understand God's gift of time...