The Follow-Up

Our appointment didn't necessarily go as planned.  I'm frustrated.

We got to UCRM barely in time for Ryan's appointment at 2:30.  We were supposed to get there at 2 for our injection training, but unfortunately my sub showed up late, so we started our injection training, Ry had to go, and then we had to pick it back up again.  Like I said in the previous post, many of my medications that I have to take are given much like the insulin I already take.  The only exceptions are the single HCG shot Ryan has to give me to mature the eggs, and the progesterone in oil injections he will have to give me until we either get a negative pregnancy test or until the placenta can make enough progesterone by itself to sustain our baby (or babies!).  One of the follicle-stimulating medications I take will be given by pen, and some of the sub-cutaneous injections have to be mixed before I can give them, BUT...I think I can handle it.  I hope so, anyway.

Anyway, the discouraging news we got probably isn't that big of a deal to most people, but it is to me.  Our intake doctor told us that were able to freeze eggs.  He said it was semi-experimental still, but that it was doable.  I was really excited about that.  During this appointment, however, the nurse had us pull out the consent form.  I told her that none of the options on the consent were what we wanted to do, that we wanted to freeze eggs.  She went to talk to the director of UCRM, and he called me later in the week.  He told me that we could freeze eggs, but after thawing, there was approximately a 4% chance of actually having a viable embryo.  And, on top of that, freezing eggs costs an extra $2,000.

The director, Dr. Peterson, talked to us about some other statistics.  He said that out of all embryos, only 1/2 survive.  So if we were to create 15 embryos, if we were liberal, only about 8 would survive.  If we transferred two, which I'm planning, we would have six left over.  After freezing and thawing for more use, only 2/3 of those would survive, so we would only have 4 viable embryos left. 

I struggle with this, still.  I believe God is in control of EVERYTHING.  So who's to say we wouldn't have 15 viable embryos at the end of all this?  Certainly not I, nor any doctor I know of.  I'm sure that many babies go home to Jesus before their mamas even know they're there.  I don't mind freezing our babies as long as they are given a chance to grow inside me, and God decides whether or not they get to live their lives.  Does that make sense?

I know many people don't agree with me, and that's fine.  They don't have to.  My own husband doesn't doesn't agree with me, but he respects how I feel.  Thank God.  Because people who are supposedly close to me DON'T respect that, and are so self-righteous it makes me nauseated, which is something I'd hoped to avoid until I was pregnant.

So we're waiting for the results of Ry's test, which are supposed to be in the mail this week.  I'm not sure why it takes so long.  Shouldn't you know right away whether or not a sperm can penetrate an egg?  I guess there's a reason why I'm just a teacher.  I think we're going to be freezing some embryos.  I think I'll ask that they take the 10 best eggs that are retrieved and fertilize them, transfer the best two, and freeze the rest of our babies that survive, so we can give them a chance later...I hope that will honor God.  Although I don't know that I can say for sure.

I start my second med next Sunday, June 5th.  It's my first injectible medication, and something I've taken before.  It's called Lupron, and my doctor here in town gave me a mega-dose of it to put me into virtual menopause for three months to see if I had endometriosis.  No mega-doses this time.  Just small amounts to "quiet" my ovaries.  I have my first ultrasound for this cycle on the 16th or something like that.  The nurse gave me my detailed calendar.  I should scan it so you can see how involved it is...

Anyway, when we get Ry's results, I'll try to say something about that, too...